I'm With Stupid

So I don't know if most ladies out there are like this, but personally I do put a lot of value on a man's intelligence.  And I'm not just saying that he happens to have an expertise in something, but I think that a Masters degree, a PhD, or having the title "Dr." before, or "Esq" after, your name is kinda hot.

It's nice to know that the man you're interested in can be both physically and mentally stimulating.  Many times I've even been turned off by men who don't have (or aren't willing to pursue) a Master's degree.  I have always thought that a man should equally as smart, if not smarter, than the girl.  

Ok, ladies relax.  We all know we're smarter, better looking, smell better and have a longer life expectancy than men.  I'm just saying that in the long run I want my children to know that both their mom and dad value education. 

And I also want my kids to be smart so yes, a smart man is a sexy man.

And for any of you who know my on and off obsession with industry boys, disregard.  We all like cute guys who can buy us drinks and that should never reflect negatively on anyone!

So I recently I went on a first date with what I have to consider one of the dumbest men I have met in DC thus far.  Now let's take a step back.  DC's a smart town.  Frankly a brilliant town, full of brilliant people.  Many pursuing continuing education, working in development fields, entrepreneurs (they are SUPER hot), etc.  Hell, we even got the government (State Dept, World Bank, etc) here.  Those folks have to be smart, right?

Wrong.

Enter...Let's call him Jim.  We meet up for a drink at Dirty Martini one night, and as usual the topic falls to that of work.  He rolls his eyes and use the same bullsh*t line I hear all the time in the dating scene "Jeez," (he says "Jeez") "why is that the first question out of everyone's mouth in DC? 'What do you do for a living?'"

Well, I'll tell you why.  What we do for a living consumes up to 50+ hours of our week.  I don't know about you all, but I don't even sleep that much a week.  Plus it's kinda nice to know that the persons you surround yourself with love what they do, are passionate about their careers, they have a career, or a combination of one or more of these.  Otherwise you're stuck with someone who hates their job, brings their work home, can't stop complaining and ends up bitter. 

And for the record, bitter is not sexy.

So stop complaining, and just tell me what you do for a living when I ask.

Jim proceeds to tell me that he works at this institution called the World Bank.  Have I ever heard of it?  

Have I heard of the World Bank?  Um, yes.

It just so happens that I consult with the World Bank Group myself and I ask what department he works with?  He throws out an acronym I'm not familiar with (but who can keep track right?) So I ask him what building he works in and he tells me he works in the IMF building.  "Oh, so you're in one of those dual-role departments that work for for both the IMF and the Bank?" I ask.

And he tells me that no he works for the IMF, and that is the World Bank.  

Ok, so for some people out there that don't know much about the World Bank Group or the International Monetary Fund, I get where people can get confused between the two.  But for someone who works with one of the two organizations, you should really know that they are not the same entity.  Just to clarify, I asked if he works for the IFC (International Finance Corporation, which is a member of the World Bank Group) and this is where he pisses me off.

He sloooowly, repeats "I....M....F" like I'm the one who having trouble deciphering this ambiguous relationship between the two.

Idiot.

I then gently explain to him "You know that the IMF and the World Bank are not the same organizations, don't you?"  He tries to interrupt me, but at this point I just bulldoze over his stupidity and continue to explain.  "Actually, the two are independent organizations that were founded after World War II by the United Nations.  You could say that they are sister organizations, but both have different roles.  The IMF manages currency exchange of member countries and the World Bank loans out to these.  They are similar in that a country has to be a member of the IMF in order to get financial assistance from the World Bank, but both mostly operate independently of one another."  

And that really is the abbreviate, simplest explanation.  For more information anyone can check out this link. 

He looks at me dumbfounded and then says "Wow, I wish they would have explained that to me like that when I started."  

I smile, sympathetically, and asked "How long have you worked there?"

"Three years," replies.

Three years?  So for three years, you've been thinking you work at the World Bank?  And you've been telling people that?  Have your colleagues are not corrected you?

Of course I didn't ask these last three questions.  I finished my coca cola, and headed home.

That was one for the books.

Men, know what you do.  And if you don't, Google it.

And Men Think We're Crazy....

So I have to apologize for my hiatus in updating this blog.  So much has happened since, but I do have to start this entry with the craziest Ok Cupid experience to date.

For a few weeks I have been chatting with a guy.  Let's call him "Z."  Just for the record Jozefina never picked this guy out.  He messaged me and Jozefina kindly approved my response and the go ahead to start corresponding.  (Yes, she even managed that aspect of the Cupid Experiment to make sure I didn't fall off the wagon and start responding to every loser who emailed.  I do that.)

After a whirlwind of new clients, two huge Earth day events and some birthdays and graduations I was finally able to schedule a date with Z.  The only day this week that I did not have plans was Thursday, May 5.  We settled on attending one of my favorite art events in DC and meeting up at 7:30pm.

The day of the date he sends me an email confirming the date, time and providing me with his digits should I need to reach him before.  Then he adds, "I read your profile again... I really like your pics and personality .. Are you very independed :)? Not sure what looking for? ... What are the options lol. Husband? Lover? Bf... Admirers?"

(Keep in mind that I have left in the grammatical errors)

I respond with "ha ha! Thanks for your number.  Here's mine.  See you later tonight.  As for what I'm looking for, I'm really not sure.  I am very independent, but that means nothing really."


As I'm leaving work I decide to meet up with the girls for a festive Cinco de Mayo margarita at Lauriol Plaza.  I send Z a text asking that he please text me when he's 15 minutes away from the venue so that I have time to get there.  His response?

Wait for it.

"Ok but you didn't answer my question :("

Really?  I mean, really really?  You didn't get from my first two responses that I am not ready to define what it is I'm looking for?  Isn't this a topic that sometimes (oftentimes) gets brought up on the first date anyway?  Why all the PRESSURE??

At this point I'm pissed.  I meet Jozefina in the corner and briefly catch her up on Z's obsession of having to know what is it I want.  I'm in the middle of sending the text when we jump into the cab.  I hit send and Jozefina asks me what I responded with.

Here goes: "I did in the email...and the text.  I don't know.  Why so much pressure?  This is just a first date.  Relax."

I read it out loud to Jozefina and she immediately scolds me for fighting with my date even before the date starts.  :)

But really.  How much can a girl take?  If the tables were turned, and I harassed my date that much before meeting, I would have him running for the hills, right?!

So now I'm stressing.  I'm stressing and I have started to consume tequila on an empty stomach.  I'm thinking about cancelling the date.  Jozefina wants to take a look a this guy's profile one more time.  We pull it up on my OK Cupid app.  (I love technology.)

Maybe there's something on there we missed?  Maybe his profile mentions an abusive childhood, or he's recently been released for some mental hospital, or that he was still sucking his mother's teat at the tender age of 14.

Something....anything...to clue us in on what's wrong with him.  We find nothing.  Regardless I'm just way too uncomfortable with the date, and I would much rather be with my girlfriends on Cinco de Mayo.  I decide to cancel.

I text him "Hey.  I have to cancel.  Very sorry, but I'm uncomfortable with our correspondence today.  Take care."  (Jozefina approved this text)

He replies "Yeah Sure!!!  Very classy last minute thnks :) I rather be upfront and honest...Read your profile a few times to know what that means I wasn't looking for sex or a wife."  (grammatical errors are all still his)

A few minutes later he sends me an OK Cupid response. "Stop stalking," he writes.  He must have noticed that we had visited his profile a few minutes before I cancelled.  Damn it!

Needless to say I had a fabulous night and quickly forgot about Z.  Now I just need to get around to blocking him on OK Cupid. 

Fistful of First Dates_Volume 1

I have to admit that Jozefina has me staying busy.  Her dogged pursuit of my love interests has me averaging two to three dates a week. 

Now if I could only tell them apart.

Meeting one prospect after another is causing these first dates to blur together.  But what I do recall of them hasn't been memorable enough yet to blog about.  That was until my last two dates...

 

Being the independent woman on the verge of greatness, I always feel I should offer to pay my way the first date.  Yes, this is even if the guy asks ME out.  In all honesty, I'm rather shocked at the number of cheap bastards in DC who take me up on my offer.  But what else can you expect when I'm meeting these guys on a FREE dating service, right?  

So, shame on me, is it?

A recent date - let's call him Marine Mike - almost immediately asked me out after Jozefina's initial outreach message.  I asked if we could chat for a little while online, but he responded "I believe that there is often an inverse relationship with how interesting someone in chat than in person. : ). So I limit chatting online and treat it like we met out in public."  

I suggested grabbing a cup of coffee and dessert at a spot in Dupont.  We meet up, order tea, coffee and dessert, and sit down.  Marine Mike's life seems as bland as the gray button-down he's wearing.  We briefly talk about chemistry, and how we both agree that's key in dating/falling for someone.  We talk careers, where we grew up, families, etc.  Then he says the first thing all night long that actually captures my attention.  

He has three kids.  

THREE.  Not one.  Not two.  Three.  After the initial shock that someone has reproduced (multiple times) with this guy wore off, the topic naturally veered towards kids.  He asked my future plans.  I stressed the importance of my career at the moment, but that if the right man/time came along (in the not-so-near future at this rate) things may change.

Shortly before the check comes Marine Mike asks me "Do you always meet guys for coffee?"  

I gently mention that previous dates allow me to pay for myself, and that for initial short dates these are a great way to chat with the person, discover if you like them, etc. 

Then the check comes, and again Marine Mike - fuck it, we're calling him Loser #1 from this point on - allows me to pay for myself.  Poor guy.  He's got three kids to feed, right?

Two days later he sends me a message complimenting my energy, telling me he had a great time, and asking me out again whilst suggesting a rather expensive restaurants in town. 

I respond "Hi, It was nice meeting you too. I don't think we had any chemistry, though, and I'm sure you felt that, too. Bodega is a little rich for my blood at the moment with two trips I'm planning, so I'll pass.  I hope you have a great weekend and enjoy some of the Cherry Blossoms!"

He replies with "I thought you were attractive but I am hesitant to get involved with women who are looking for kids in the near term. So i hold back because ive been down that road before In terms of exploring physical chemistry, I dont think coffee is the best venue but it is an easy way to match a face to picture."  

(Grammatical and punctuation errors have been left in to demonstrate how much of a idiot this guy is.)

I'm a little shocked at his response, but maybe guys out there could shed some light on his retort? 

The comment about the coffee threw me, too.  Should I point out that he would have been just as drab and boring over an expensive, three-course dinner?  Not to mention he would have gotten the same/similar response from me when asked me out again?  

Now he can put that money he saved towards his kids' Disney fund. 

 

I'm mentally exhausted in having to put this experience down on paper.  How Carrie and the thousands of other dating bloggers out there do it, I don't know.  I'm out.  

Date #2 story coming soon.

Peace.

And....This is What I'm Up Against

So to be honest, the guys that Jozefina has been choosing for me have been pretty nice.  I've had three "blind" dates and while all seemed harmless and far from odd or mental, I can't justify an entire blog entry for just those one-off, spark-less first dates.

But I can justify a blog posting that highlights some of the crazy matches that OK Cupid is generating.  Maybe, just maybe, it's not me after all....

Sample Crazy #1:

Jozefina is sorting through my match's profiles and forwards me one in particular that had to be noted:  She starts out her email to me with "your matches are insane - one sample:
 

my life in brief: I'm a recent transplant from MI, living in Columbia Heights, DC. I was born, burned myself really badly, got better, broke my wrist falling (jumping) out of a tree, got better, got kidnapped at age 7, got rescued 45 minutes later, broke my wrist again at age 13, survived a bunch of random crushes, went to Mexico, joined a cult in Texas, got kicked out of a cult in Texas, started college, took a break from college, met a girl, fell in love with girl, fell out of love with girl, picked up the mandolin, and moved to DC to intern and study journalism. Oh yeah, and I tie-dyed a bathrobe.

Hahaha. His post only gets better. He later adds: 

Update: All that's true and all, but it's a bit out of date.So I got to DC, interned at a magazine, survived Americorps, moved out of Columbia Heights, moved into the ghetto, had three bikes stolen, bought a ping-pong-table, got a job I love, had a tonsillectomy, discovered my dead roommate and my house burned down, taking with it just about everything I owned. I then moved back into Columbia Heights, got another ping-pong table, and some pretty cool roommates. I've been there for a year now, and it's been relatively smooth sailing for a while.I am intuitive, socially versatile and a damn good time."

Sample Crazy #2:

Jozefina later encourages me to respond to one match (whom I have NO interest in) because he had a nice introduction email.  I reluctantly agree to one (1) response and get the swarm of retorts.  Brace yourself for the final message sent this weekend:
 

Message #1 from Ribbit:

what is your one favorite children book and mask in your collection :)?

Vanessa's Response:

I actually have two favorite masks. My mother and father have long been divorced. Somehow in the same year (2004 I think) they both traveled to Mexico and both brought me back the same mask in different colors - my mom's was pink and beige and my father's was green and black. One very girl-like and one guy-like. These sit next to one another on my shelf to remind me that no matter how far away I am from my parents, who I am as a person I am because of them.
 

Message #2 from Ribbit:

hi (your name?),

sorry to hear that your parents are not together .. although i feel fortunate that my parents marriage, the first for both, not only lasted through their ups and down but became more abiding and romantic ;) until my mother passed away 13 years ago, i can imagine how the parting of a mother and father would be very tough for children to go through . i'm very glad to hear, however, that they obviously both remain loving, engaging, and inspiring parents for you .. i know quite a few children who are not so lucky after their parents divorced ..

"we don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children" - love this! i'm very much into organic, self-sustaining ways of life too, especially when it comes to how our produce and livestocks are grown. i've been daydreaming of within the next several years open up locally sourced and organic food online-ordering and processing/ delivery co-op. i had a seed phase internet start-up at one time so do know though how much time and energy dedication is required in such a entrepeneurial endeavor and want to be very sure first that it's something that am willing to commit 200% to .. perhaps if i have a life/ business partner then the efforts would not only be more accomplishing but also more meaningful :)

i'm heading out to dinner with friends but would love for us to get to know each other in more real ways than online as we seem to be quite compatible - perhaps we can get together for coffees, wine flights, or whatever sometime. hopefully, you'd be up for that

my best, always, Ribbit

Message #3 from Ribbit

just noticed on your Award that your name is Vanessa :)
btw, although I go by XXX, good friends sometime refer to me as XX, my given Vietnamese name, as Janie did in my Award ..

Message #4 from Ribbit:

Hi Vanessa,

Sorry but I won't be able to meet up with you anymore as I flew to Vegas yesterday and got married. My berothed is from India so we're going to also have a traditional wedding next weekend for her family and mine of about 1,000 guests

You are cordially invited but please note that we only accept monetary gifts, payable in cash, with a major credit card (VISA/MC and AMEX with two ID's), or Paypal (in advance as we want to make sure our account is first credited e.g. you have fund in the checking account you draw on before your name will be added to our guest list)

By the way, do you know where I can rent a elephant and if we would need a permit for a wedding procession down Pennsylvania Avenue?

~~~~

I'm particularly flattered that my lack of response between messages #2 and message #4 Ribbit was taken to mean that we would be meeting.  

Ahhh...sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying, right?

You can't throw a stone in this town without hitting someone you know....

March 27, 2011

So as Jozefina continues on my cupid crusade, I'm still occasionally logging in to check messages and see who's viewed my OK Cupid profile. Plus I get to see who Jozefina has been viewing on my behalf....and discover that she has slightly modified my profile.  Nice!  Thanks, babe.

To be honest, I've already had to "hide" a few guys.  But not for creepy reasons.  Well, some for creepy reasons, but that's a whole other blog posting.  One guy I believed to be someone from high school, and another guy that I see out in DC on a regular basis, were blocked a few weeks ago.  Both were in the 90% match category, but my pride is worth far too much!  (Some could argue that this is why I'm still single...)

A few days ago I noticed yet another guy I recognized on my newsfeed - about an 80% compatible match.  This guy, let's call him John, happened to have attended my annual ski trip at Wisp this past January.  John was a friend of a friend of a friend.  

Mentally I thought "I should let Jozefina know he's on here," so she doesn't view his profile or message him.  Once I even considered hiding him, but I just didn't have the energy to walk over to my computer, turn it on and go through the trouble.  Plus Jozefina had gone on the ski trip and so I assumed she would have recognized him and not bothered, right?

Wrong.

Out of the blue Sunday night Jozefina calls me from California.  Her voice is strained, I can't make out what she's saying and she asks me if I'm alone.  I panic and think she's crying.  No, no.  She's fine.  Actually, she's laughing so hard she can't speak.

Turns out that she's emailed John.  She didn't recognize him from the ski trip and this is his response:

        "First thing... Should I assume this is Vanessa or Jozefina who apparently has 

        been given full access to your account. (Uh Oh).  Maybe my pictures are too 

        old that they don't look like me.... But I figured after a few nights of sleeping 

        under the same roof together that I might have been somewhat memorable. 

        Sadly not. Well, that said, if you remember who I am (hint... one of your  

        383 FB friends), I would be up for a drink. Have a great night!"

Busted!

Ahhh...good laughs.  If we make it past the embarrassment I'll consider going out with him for sure!  Give it a week...or two.

"You Need to Date Against Yourself"

This is the first of what I hope to be many blogs over the course of the next 40 days.  My friends have asked me to start capturing my dating escapades on a blog site, since my Facebook status only allows for so many characters.  So here goes...

 

And begins the story....

The other day my friend, Jozefina, and I were at brunch discussing the number of people we know who are happily-coupled.  In all actuality we were bitching at how those who we thought would NEVER marry have somehow found themselves overseas, in an exotic land, in love and settled down.  How even the most unattractive individuals in DC are walking around Dupont's farmer's market hand-in-hand.  (There goes my theory on dating Darwinism.) We were wondering how two successful, fit, and good-looking women like us don’t have men yet?  

For the past 5 years I have told myself that I’m just too busy to date, that my career...and then my education....and then my career, again, should come first.  I frequently used the line “I’m a little busy.  If the right guy is out there, he’ll find me.”  But after carrying on with girl's nights out, networking events, speed dating attempts, responses to long-winded eHarmony Q&As, first date set ups, and even joining a kickball team, I’m starting to think that the right guy is a little busy himself and that now it’s my turn to look for HIM!

So then Jozi, my wise and equally gorgeous and single friend, looks me straight in the eye and says “You need to date against yourself. It’s the guys that you’re picking that aren’t working out.  You need to go out with the guys that you wouldn’t usually like and maybe THEN it would work out.”

Wow.  

Profound.

So, I have been fucking this up for myself the whole time? 

Actually, the answer to that is “yes.”  And I know it.  I know that the men I tend to be attracted to are NOT the right ones for me, but in the words of Liza (another wise and gorgeous friend who recently found herself a new BF during an intense night of speed dating) “Mujer, que te pasa?  Erres masoquista?”  Translation: “What’s wrong with you?  Are you a masochist?”  

So starting on March 21, 2011, Jozefina will have full access to my OK Cupid profile and screen all eligible candidates for me until end of April.  She will draft the initial introduction note or “wink” comment; she will sort through my inbox and for any man that initiates first contact with me, she will screen and determine if a response is warranted; and even in real life she will advise me on any man who approaches me.  

In other words, I am relinquishing control of my own dating life and putting this fine responsibility on Jozefina.  She has full control of who I date, call (a return call, of course), text (same), and overall interact with over the next 40 days.

Get ready ladies.  This is about to get interesting....