Constructive Criticism: We Could All Use Some

In the past most, if not all, my blogs were descriptions about idiotic men or diatribes about dates with said idiotic men.

But I really don’t want to start off on that foot – although content for this is plentiful at the moment.

Instead I wanted to focus on some advice. Just some advice on how a man can make his profile, his email, and maybe that first date (!) stand out.

Don’t tell me all the same shit about yourself.

You love to cook?  So do I! You love to travel? Omigosh, so do I! You want to meet that special person to start a life with? Fuck, we must be made for each other!

Or is that how I’m supposed to react when you write me about how much we have in common?

Newsflash. 99.8% of people like to travel. So if you’re telling me that this is a passion of yours, please know that I had the same conversation about how awesome it is to travel with my barista at the Starbucks on R St the other day, too.

Now if you’ve climbed Kilimanjaro - and you happened to have actually read my profile and not just looked at the photos – you could open with something like that. For example, advice on a trip you know I’m planning to take, or experiences in a country/town that we both visited is a fabulous way to start!! If you lived a summer in Costa Rica and experienced the downpours that are the Costa Rican winters, share with me a funny story.

Something unique ensures I’ll read it. If it’s useful I’ll respond with a thanks. If I’m intrigued maybe I’ll respond with more…

Don’t ask what green event planning (or another occupation) is. Google that shit.

Asking what a green event is just busy work for me. It was once I had a boilerplate of my job description in a Word document I copy/pasted into an email response, that it occurred to me just how lame your question is.

Or pretty much any question asking a girl to clarify her job is lame and a waste of our time.

If you don’t know, then Google that shit. 

And then ask something intriguing.  Something that tells us you’re kinda interested in what we do, and you want to know more.  Not something that sounds like a job interview.

If she were a communications/marketing expert you could ask her if she gets to design a lot of her company’s promotional materials and if that creativity ran in her family?  If she were a school teacher, you could ask what she plans to do with her time off this summer, or ask if she has a hysterical story about one of her kids, or share with her a great story about your favorite teacher.  If she’s in development or a government job (hello, DC) you could just stay clear of the career question altogether, but still know what a Foreign Services Officer or a Program Manager is.

Get Creative With That First Date

Let’s say that your introductory email and distinct question have piqued our interest.  We’re now onto the next step of planning out that first date.

We love, love, love it when a guy comes up with something unique and creative. But the sad part is that you fellas rarely do. My mom used to tell me to always let him pick the location of the dates. Even if he asks “What would you like to do?” a woman always has to let a man feel like he’s in control. I get it. The machismo thing. It’s kinda hot sometimes.

But, we’re all growing tired of the “meet for a drink, dinner, movie….” ideas, and the control freak in me needs to jump in sometimes and recommend ideas.

So you guys don’t fall into the lame category, here are a few helpful first, second or third (of you’re that lucky) date recommendations.

Comedy Show! There is no better way to break the ice than a comedy show. DC has a couple of them – the Improv and Riot Act – for super cheap tickets – like $15.

Trivia Night! There are tons of these events all around town. They’re usually free, located at a venue that serves food and drinks, and a great way to show us how smart you are.  Unless you’re not smart. Then just steer clear of this until you've revealed other [equally impressive] talents.

The National Mall! It’s always nice to walk around outdoors, then head over to the Natural History Museum or Air and Space Museum.  Free.

Jazz in the Garden. Again, free. These start back up again at the end of May, are easily accessible by metro, and a creative idea if you both happen to like live music and are smart enough to get there early and grab a spot on the lawn.

ZooLights during the Nov/Jan months. It’s free! The lights are really cool. The animal houses are open at night. And they even serve hot chocolate and gingerbread men.

Jazz show at Bohemian Caverns is always a fun idea if she likes that music genre!

Or just something as fun and simple as picking up some Sweetgreens frozen yogurt, and sitting in Dupont Circle to people watch can be as equally creative, inexpensive and unique.

Also, fellas, kindly note that the above recommendations will probably cost you under $30 each, if not zero dollars.  

Yeah, I get it. Dating is expensive. But we women probably spent more on haircuts, facials, manicures, and toothpaste than you will on the first three dates, so deal with it.

Dating 2012: Dusting Off

So it’s been quite a long time since I’ve been back on the blogging scene, and a sadly longer time since I’ve dated.  But after some consideration I’ve decided to jump back on the dating saddle and give this dating-in-DC thing another try.

For those of you who are just joining me, you can click on the Blog Archive from 2011 for a few good, good laughs.

But if it's the abbreviated version you care for, here it is:

For a short period of time in 2011 I let my girlfriend pick whom I dated. After that failed I continued to date online and therefore accumulated some pretty ridiculous stories that I had to share. Hence was born “The Cupid Experiment.”

Then around this time last year (well, specifically June/July) I had what was one of the worst dates of my life. I just gave up. The penis embargo began. My spirit in men was broken. Specifically, Latin men.

(I’m not hating on you boys. Most of you are like family, but for the most part…still come mierdas.)

After that I threw in the towel.  I just stopped dating altogether. 

Then recently I decided I wanted to start fresh. I wanted to be open to experiences. I required a reprieve from work and career. I needed to meet knew people.

I also came to the realization that it’s not because I want to have a baby one day that I’m looking for Mr. Right.

Fuck. Anyone can have a baby. All you have to do is go out there and make a fucking baby. How hard is that? We’ve been practicing at it for decades.

But what I really wanted was a family, not just a baby.

“What is that?!” my boy-crazy friends ask.

Well, in a nutshell it’s a man worthy of a future with me, and I of him; a man who can be there when I succeed, and pick me up when I fail; a man that needs me when I’m healthy and cares for me when I’m sick as shit (which isn’t often so I can include mood swings and just straight up bitchiness in this category, too); a man who will love and nurture a child alongside me; a man who can give as much as he takes; and a man I can see sharing a walking cane with when we’re both 80-something.

And of course, someone I’m both physically and mentally attracted to. Yes, both are important. I'm only moderately shallow.

So sitting around and bitching about it with my friends isn’t going to make it happen.  

I’m starting over. New profile. New pictures. New stories -2011/2012 have brought lots of those.  And a new outlook.

And if finding Mr. Right doesn’t work out this time around, then hopefully it at least brings around some opportunities to keep practicing towards that other less significant goal.

Stay tuned!